As you have all possibly surmised by now, I like practically anything Twilight-related. But lately I have sort of stopped actively collecting it and am no longer haunting the local Hot Topic on my lunch breaks, scouring the aisles for new Twi-merch under the judging gaze of the teenagers employed there. So when my friend bounded up to me at a get-together recently and said "HERE! I HAVE to give this to you! It's something from Twilight!!!", I was pretty stoked. After giving plentiful thanks, I studied the tchotchke and removed it from its protective plastic sleeve.
Ooooookaaay... Cullen Crest on one side! Got it! But what ARE you?!
...aaaaand some sort of tribal vagina-y looking thing on the other side.Oh wait - Quileute wolf-pack um...symbol tattoo thingy? Yes!
Has ANY of this ever been in red before??? er, NO.
Dear ridiculously overworked, horrendously under-paid Chinese factory worker who sewed this with such care: Um...oooh never mind...What IS this thing? It is small. It is squishy. It has satiny fabric.
Wait!
I know what you are...
I know what you are...
Say it!
Out loud!
Sex pillow!!!Have at it, Minis! Just don't turn that thing over, Mini-Bella, or there will be trouble.
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BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! OMG! YES! That is EXACTLY what the fuck that is! I am wiping away tears! This is definitely the kind of post you don't get until the last possible second! PMSL!
ReplyDeleteWho needs a hackey sack when you can use it as a sex pillow for your mini's?!
And eew. If I find out that Mini-Bella flipped that shit over...We will have to throw the damn thing at your plastic head.
Twi Merchandise at it's finest! Can't find a better use for a hackey sack. "Let's get it on!"
ReplyDeleteThat hacky sack looks like it came in a Burger King kids meal. Well, it’s the thought behind the gift! LOL!
ReplyDeletedefinitely a sad-looking hackey sack...
ReplyDeleteMini E tantrus chair.....woohoo!
ReplyDeleteBring that to Forks and I will teach you how to hacky sack....yes, I went to a liberal arts college in the late 80's/early 90's...I know these things.
Wow! A sex cushion? Do you really treat your Bella that way?
ReplyDeleteMine is still bound and gagged, with her hands tied behind her back, suspended upside down by her feet! I accidentally left my ahhmeee of Edwards at the office when we had the last big snow, and when I came back to work two days later, she was hanging by the window, covered in something that looked like spunk, while the boys were just standing around innocently looking at her! Edward started to rat the others out, and said something about bukake, but I just held up my hands and said "I don't wanna know!"
Bwahahahahaha!!!! Ohmyfuckinggawd that was hilarious!!! Sex pillow for the mini's FTW!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy 6 year old nephew was super excited to give me that from his BK kids meal. When I asked him why he didn't steal the Edward cling from the window he told me he would take it for me the next time he was there... ain't he sweet for offering? I never did get that window cling though.
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!! Of all the things I expected you to say... that definitely wasn't one of them! Too funny!
ReplyDeletei NEVER lol. And this made me laugh so loud i scared the baby, as well as the cat, and my husband asked me what's wrong. i lurk but i love you so hard STY. Big puffy hearts.
ReplyDeleteOh, Jesus, I'm at work and was just sneaking a quick peek to get me through a long morning....I screamed with laughter when I saw the last picture, scared a couple people, now I'm trying not to pee my pants....damn you, STY, you're gonna get me fired!! Fucking hilarious post. Never saw it coming!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, it's a good thing I wasn't drinking something while reading this post... I most certainly would've drenched my computer upon seeing that last picture. Fucking DIED laughing!
ReplyDeleteI always type LOL when something is funny. This time I really did Laugh Out Loud. Not just a little snicker either.
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ReplyDeleteBAHAHAHHAHAH!!! You know, you could probably put this up on etsy. "mini cullens sex pillow" You can thank me later.
ReplyDeleteTotes hilarious!! A fuckin hackey sack...I agree with @VitR. You must bring that to Forks. It would be tragic not to teach you how you can use the mini-E sex pillow for fun too.
ReplyDeleteAll my minis are jealous!
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!
ReplyDeleteThe window clings are on ebay
http://tinyurl.com/4sgj6gv
I swear, you just crack my ass up! PERFECT use for it...........the "minis'" sex pillow! Who would a thunk it? Well.........I guess we know the answer to that.:)
ReplyDeleteAre you sure it's a hackey sack and not a stress "ball" or stress reliever????
Either way I'm sure Mini B and E will get LOTS of use out of it!!! ;)
HAHAHAHAHA!! I have to say that was not what I thought you were going to use it for there at the end. LOL!
ReplyDeleteFYI it glowes in the dark!
ReplyDelete~Kate
Bwahahahahahha! OMG, perfect, just perfect!
ReplyDeleteps. I want more pics. ;)
omg, I did not expect that. But then, I probably should have. :-)
ReplyDelete