Once in the comfort of my local liquor emporium, I made a beeline for the vodka aisle and stopped in my tracks when I saw THIS:
Well helloooo there...
Bacon-flavored vodka??? I wasn't sure if I felt repulsed by the idea or if I needed help loading a few cases of the stuff into my car; possibly a little bit of both.
I'm a big fan of bacon. Huge. Bacon is delicious and totally worth the years it shaves off my life. I buy a really amazing uncured, nitrate-free bacon that melts in my mouth like little wafers of fatty goodness. It is sublime and I look forward to it on the weekends. I also can't eat eggs or toast or butter or any of that other delicious breakfast-y stuff, so bacon is pretty much it for me as far as awesome, decadent breakfast foods go. I need it. But do I need it in my vodka? I'm not sold on the idea, but it's under consideration.
There are a lot of bacon-y things out there I would consider trying...
The bacon alarm clock:
I'm pretty sure if I had this thing, I would end up dreaming about bacon all the time. Bacon would be incorporated into my dreams somehow. This would not be a bad thing, in my book. Let me just say for the record that the person who wakes me up from the dream where Robert Pattinson is hand-feeding me bacon in bed is in big fucking trouble.
Possible deal-breaker on the bacon alarm clock: the glowing red eyes and snout might be a little too Amityville Horror for me.
I thought chocolate-covered pretzels and chocolate-covered potato chips sounded pretty weird the first time I tried them, too, but they're both things I would place high on my list of desert island foods.
But vodka? Do I really want to drink my bacon? Let me just state for the record that while I don't consider myself a vodka snob, I generally drink good potato vodka, usually after infusing it with berries. I almost knocked a bottle of Ciroc out of someone's hands at the liquor store because it's the most vile vodka I have ever tasted [Dear grapes: Please stick to wine--you are no good for making vodka.], and I'm pretty sure that vodka flavors like "Bubble Gum," "Gummy" and "Cotton Candy" are only consumed by underage girls.
I think they misspelled "Pedophile."
I guess I'll have to file this away with the other "savory" vodka flavors - like pepper and habanero - that I might use in a Bloody Mary but that's about it. Or I should give it a try - I mean, it could be one of those magical moments like the creation of Reese's peanut butter cups.
You got your bacon in my vodka!I mean, I like vodka...and I like bacon, soooo... I might have to go to there. Who's free for brunch???
You got your vodka on my bacon!