You Say Robsten; I Say Mr. Beansten.

In usual TK fashion, I am not up to date on anything. I somehow missed the collective pants-shitting over Kristen Stewart's GQ UK interview. (As an aside, how bloody hard is it to say "GQ UK?" That does not roll off the tongue. Try it. Say it. Out loud.) KStew looks retro fabulous in the few photos I saw.

I want that red dress. Someone buy it for me.

I have never taken a side in what has been known as the great Robsten vs. Nonsten debate. I tend to be very opinionated on all the great issues of our time, so it is quite appalling that I've overlooked this one. I mean, in RL, I rarely fail to weigh in on any political, social or ethical issue. Third world debt and childhood hunger be damned; the time has come for me to choose a side in the —sten debate. Why? Because in the interview Kristen stated unequivocally...

"My boyfriend is English." 

[Insert dramatic music]

I guess that settles it. Kristen is without a doubt dating one of the sixty-two million citizens of the United Kingdom. There is no denying it now. If we are scientific about it, I think we can narrow down the suspects. Let's remove the obvious ones who aren't the Queen's subjects.

 KSTEW, Y U NO LIKE COOKIES?

 KSTEW, Y U NO LIKE WAX ON?

 KSTEW, Y U NO LIKE MY MEAT?

KSTEW, Y U NO LIKE TO WRESTLE MY GATOR?

KSTEW, Y U NO LIKE MY MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON MY MOTHERFUCKING PLANE?

KSTEW, Y U NO WANT TO KISS MY STONE?

As mentioned above, that leaves us with roughly sixty-two million people. This might take more than one blog post. Let's discuss a few of the possibilities.

The entire cast of the Harry Potter movies—Pretty much all of Great Britain was in these movies.

HRH, The Prince of Wales—There is nothing I can say here that won't start an international incident.

Mr. Bean—Don't discount him. The photo is kind of hypnotic the longer you look at it.

The Crown Jewels — I'd tap that.

Bangers and Mash — Sometimes noms are better than boys.

 

James Bond — Dude. It's 007. Women are powerless. 

A Land Rover — Its smooth ride and off-road capabilities make it a solid contender.

Of course, maybe KStew just meant her boyfriend speaks English. That just royally fucks up my scientific method though. We can't entertain those theories lest our heads explode. Who is your pick for Kristen's alleged boyfriend? As of now, I am officially Team Mr. Beansten. I hope those crazy kids can make it work.